Frozen Hogwarts
by Deep Forest Green
Summary: Just a series of funny HP oneshots to the tunes of songs from Frozen. New update: Fixer-Upper!
1. Do You Wanna Build a Snowman (Harry)

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own the wonderful things that are Harry Potter and Frozen. Enjoy anyway!

* * *

OotP

(knocks) People?  
Do you wanna join my army?  
I call it the DA  
The Dark Lord has returned once more  
Stronger than before  
Must make him go away  
We used to learn defense spells  
And now we don't  
What Umbridge says is a lie  
Do you wanna join my army?  
No, I can't give you extra credit  
(Shut up, Harry!) Okay, bye.

HPB

Do you wanna play some Quidditch?  
I'm captain now, I make the calls  
I think diversions are long overdue  
Guess who else thinks so too?  
The pictures on the walls  
(Hang in there, Fat Lady)  
It gets a little stressful, as the Chosen One  
So come out and play a game  
(Chaser, Beater, Keeper, Seeker)

DH

Please, I know you need me  
I'm sure you're wondering where I've been  
They say "just kill him", and I'm trying to  
But I need help from you  
Just let me in  
We only have each other  
To defend the school  
What are we gonna do?  
Will you help me find a horcrux?


	2. Let it Go (Voldemort)

The basilisk roams free through Hogwarts tonight  
With dead Mudbloods everywhere  
The chamber has been opened  
'Cause it looks like I'm the heir  
No one suspects me, 'cause all the clues I did hide  
They couldn't find me out, heaven knows they tried

Don't let them in, don't let them see  
Be the good head boy that you have to be  
Conceal, don't feel, don't let it show  
They'll never know

Let it go, let it go, I'm not Tom Riddle anymore  
Let it go, let it go, turn away and jinx the door  
I don't care what Dumbledore will say  
I'm a Dark Wizard now  
Being an orphan never bothered me anyway

It's funny some magic  
Makes every problem seem small  
And the Muggles that once controlled me  
Can't get to me at all  
It's time to see what I can do  
I'm henceforth known as You-Know-Who  
No right, no wrong, more power for me  
I'm free

Let it go, let it go, I am one with the serpentine  
Let it go, let it go, the world will soon be mine  
I split my soul in two parts today  
Make a horcrux now...

My eyes glow red as green sparks shoot off from my wand  
My Death Eaters will serve me always through a magic bond  
And one thought materializes like a Dark Mark  
I'm never going back, my past was dull and stark

Let it go, let it go, and I'll rise just like Salazar  
Let it go, let it go, that half-blood boy is gone  
I'll purify the whole wizard race  
I'm Lord Voldemort  
My nose always bothered me anyway

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! The next chapter will be For the First Time in Forever Reprise, starring Sirius and Remus.


	3. FTFTIF: Reprise (Sirius and Remus)

Sirius as Anna

Remus as Elsa

Takes place during the Shrieking Shack scene in PoA

* * *

Sirius (spoken, pointing at the rat): Don't let him escape! I want to kill him myself.  
(sung) Harry was at risk again, I had to know for sure  
I just couldn't stay in prison anymore  
'Cause for the first time in forever, you finally understand  
For the first time in forever, justice is now in our hands  
We can head up that hillside together, we won't have to live in fear  
'Cause for the first time in forever, I have come back here.

Remus: Sirius, let's turn him in, they need to see  
Don't be the murderer they've got you pegged to be

Sirius (spoken): But -

Yes, I know you mean well, but let me explain  
We can't have Harry thinking we're insane  
Just please calm down and let's all use our brains

Sirius: We don't have any time

Remus: Whaddaya mean no time?

Sirius: It's gonna come up real soon

Remus: What's coming up real soon?

Sirius: Hogwarts is now under the full moon...

Remus (spoken): What?

Sirius: You're about to turn into a werewolf.

Remus: Oh shit.

Sirius: Well, it's okay, you'll be sane as long as I stay with you.

Remus: No I won't. I forgot to take my Wolfsbane potion!

Sirius: It doesn't matter. I'll make sure you don't harm Harry and his friends!  
(sung) 'Cause for the first time in forever...

Remus: Oh, I'm such a fool, I can't be free

Sirius: You can finally live your life

Remus: No escaping the beast inside of me

Sirius: We can be best friends together

Remus: Can't stop the disease

Sirius: You can let go all your strife

Remus: Oh Sirius, give up on me, please!

Sirius: Don't lose it

Remus: There's so much fear

Sirius: We can finally kill that rat

Remus: You're not safe here

Sirius: If they dare call me a killer

Remus: No!

Sirius: Then I'll damn well be a killer

Remus: Oh...

Sirius: And I'll be gone before it's light

Remus: (earth-shaking howl)

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading! The next chapter will be Fixer-Upper, but I'm not gonna tell you which characters...


	4. Fixer-Upper (Draco, Hermione & Elves)

Note: If you ship Draco/Hermione, you may not want to read this. Takes place when Draco and Hermione go down into the kitchens (separately) for some reason, I guess.

* * *

Dobby (spoken):  
What is the matter? Why is Miss Granger holding back from Dobby's former master's son?  
(sung):  
Is it the swagger in his walk?  
Or the sneering way he talks?  
Or the total lack of color in his face?  
And though we know he's pretty smart  
He's got a really tiny heart  
And he'll never let you in 'cause he wants to wipe out your race

Elves:  
So he's a bit of a fixer-upper  
So he's a bigoted ass  
It's not his fault that his daddy's vault  
Is extremely large even for his class

Draco (spoken):  
Fault? What in Merlin's name do you mean? The Malfoys are a proud and noble lineage!

Elves:  
So he's a bit of a fixer-upper,  
But this we're certain of  
You can fix this fixer-upper  
With a little good-girl love!

Draco (spoken):  
MUST you go on with this asinine performance? I'M perfect. Dobby, you're just lucky that Potter twit freed you, or Dad'd have your skin.

Winky (to Hermione):  
So tell me, dear -  
Is it the fact that he's a coward?  
Or that he wants you disempowered?  
Or that his mother's maiden family is Black?  
('Cause that's just racist, girl.)  
Are you holding back your fondness  
Due to his unearthly blondness?  
We swear he's not albino; pale is coming back!

Elves:  
He's just a bit of a fixer-upper  
He was just raised this way  
His racist ramblings are Daddy's gamblings  
That Voldemort is back to stay  
So he's a bit of a fixer-upper  
He still can be redeemed  
The only one who can fix this fixer-upper  
Is dear Hermione!

Draco (spoken):  
Stop it! (leans in) She's a filthy Mudblood.

Elves (to each other, softly):  
So she's a bit of a fixer-upper  
That's a minor point  
Although blood status is kinda intrinsic  
She knows her way around this joint  
So she's a bit of a fixer-upper  
But our hero still could learn  
The hatred he professes  
Hides a love that really burns!

Winky:  
We're not saying you can change him  
'Cause people don't really change  
And yes, we know that he's the nephew  
Of Bellatrix LeStrange  
People make bad choices  
When their folks serve the Dark Lord  
But you just do what he tells you  
And you'll get your reward

Elves:  
You will get your reward!  
Everyone's a bit of a fixer-upper  
Every wizard and witch  
Pureblood! Half-blood! Mudblood - (sorry!)  
We need each other  
To help us catch that proverbial snitch  
Everyone's a bit of a fixer-upper  
But when push comes to shove  
The only fixer-upper that can fix a fixer-upper is...  
For-for-for-for-forbidden love!

Dobby (spoken):  
Does Miss Granger take Master Malfoy to be her elfully wedded -

Draco and Hermione (spoken):  
NO! (shove Dobby to the ground)

Elves:  
LOVE!


End file.
